SPORTS · FLOW    RESEARCH LIBRARY
THE DESERT FATHERS  ·  STATION 12 OF 12
AGAPE

The Only ThingIt Was For

Every station in this ring ends in the same place, and the desert was explicit that if it did not, the whole thing had been a waste of years.
WRITTEN BYNoah Wickliffe
AGAPE
LOVE
 
THE RING TEMPLATE
TEN PAGES

§I   The Call

The end of the ring

Eleven stations of stillness, watchfulness, taxonomy, discernment and endurance, undertaken by men and women who lived alone in the desert, and the stated purpose of all of it is other people.

That is not a softening at the end. It is the structure. Evagrius puts agape at the far end of the practical life and treats everything before it as instrumental, and the desert literature applies the test relentlessly. The monk who has achieved stillness and cannot be interrupted has failed. The one who can be interrupted has not lost his stillness, he has demonstrated it.

For an athlete the translation is direct. Everything in this ring is individual work, done alone, mostly invisible. If it produces someone who is harder to reach, it has gone wrong.

ArenaWhat it looks like there
RowingThe crew, which is the sport's whole argument for itself.
Individual sportThe training partner, the coach, the person at the finish.
CoachingThe reason anyone stays in it past the first decade.
RetirementWhat is left when the results are no longer accruing.
InjuryWho is still there in month nine.
Any arenaThe people, at the end of it, which is the only part that survives the career.

§II   Two Failures

The two ways this goes wrong

Love as a slogan

The first failure is the word without the structure. Programs that talk about family, brotherhood and love, and mean by it that nobody should complain. The vocabulary is doing coercive work and the case against section below treats this seriously, because it is not a hypothetical failure and sport has an extensive record of it.

Private practice, closed door

The second failure is the one this ring is most likely to produce. An athlete who has done eleven stations of interior work and become more self-contained, more disciplined, and less available. Every station in the ring is compatible with that outcome and the desert knew it, which is why the test is applied at every one of them and not only at the end.

§III   The Line

The line

The one who is not able to be interrupted has not yet found what he went out to look for.AFTER THE SAYINGS OF THE DESERT FATHERS

Interruptibility as the criterion. It is a strange and specific test and it has the great advantage of being observable, unlike everything else in the ring.

It also cuts against the entire modern language of protecting your energy and guarding your focus, which is not obviously wrong and is worth putting next to this. The desert would say that a practice which makes you less able to be interrupted has produced fortification rather than freedom.

§IV   The Story

The story

The best one is short. Some brothers came to visit an old man who kept a strict fast, and he prepared a meal and ate with them, breaking the fast. After they left, one of his own disciples was troubled and asked about it.

He said he had kept the fast for years and would keep it tomorrow. The brothers came once.

The whole ring is in that answer. The practice is real, he is not abandoning it, and it does not outrank the person in front of him. A discipline that could not be set down for a visitor would have been a discipline that had become the point.

The other story worth keeping is about Abba Moses, who was called to a gathering to judge a brother's fault. He came carrying a leaking basket of sand behind him. Asked what it was, he said his own sins were running out behind him and he could not see them, and he had come to judge someone else's.

The desert also recorded what this looks like when it is refused, and the story is unusually harsh. A brother had fallen and the community met to expel him. Abba Bessarion got up and walked out with him, saying he was a sinner too. The meeting did not survive the gesture.

What matters is that he did not argue. There was no case made about mercy or proportion. He stood up and left with the person, and the tradition kept that as the model rather than keeping whatever the argument would have been.

§V   The Science

The science

James Coan's hand-holding study is the cleanest single result here. Women anticipating an electric shock in an fMRI scanner showed reduced neural threat response when holding a partner's hand, and reduced response when holding a stranger's hand, with the largest effect for the partner. The presence of another person changes the processing of threat, measurably.

Julianne Holt-Lunstad's meta-analytic work established the scale at the other end. Social connection is associated with substantially reduced mortality risk, at magnitudes comparable to the major lifestyle risk factors, and social isolation is a risk in its own right rather than an absence of a benefit.

Albert Carron's work on cohesion in sport supplies the performance link, with the relationship between cohesion and performance holding across sport types, and the direction running both ways. And Baumeister and Leary's belongingness argument frames the whole thing: the need to belong is a fundamental motivation rather than a preference.

11stations of solitary work
1test, applied to all of them
neural threat response with another hand in yours
mortality risk in isolation, at lifestyle-factor scale

The convergence with the desert is unusually clean here and it is the last station in the ring, which is where it belongs.

§VI   The Case Against

The case against love language in sport

This is the most important counterargument in the ring and it is not academic. It describes something that has happened repeatedly.

The vocabulary of love is the standard equipment of abusive programs

Family, brotherhood, love, sacrifice for each other. Every major abuse case in elite sport in the last three decades has featured that language, deployed by the person with the power, and used specifically to make objection feel like betrayal. The reviews into gymnastics, swimming and cycling in multiple countries describe the same mechanism.

A station that puts love at the end of a ring, in a document that will be read by coaches, has an obligation to say this rather than to assume good faith.

The test distinguishes them and the word does not

What separates the genuine article from the coercive version is direction and cost. Real regard costs the person with the power something and does not require anything to be tolerated. The coercive version costs the powerful person nothing and asks the less powerful one to absorb.

Any use of this vocabulary that runs downhill only, from coach to athlete, with obligations attached at the bottom, is the failure mode, whatever it calls itself.

Cohesion is not uniformly good either

The cohesion literature includes findings on the costs. High task cohesion can suppress dissent, and groups with strong social cohesion are worse at surfacing problems. A crew that loves each other may be exactly the group least able to say that something is wrong.

Where this leaves the station Kept, with the vocabulary restricted. Coaches are given the test and not the word. If a program's love language cannot survive the question of who is paying for it, it is the thing this section warns about, and the ancient citation makes it more dangerous rather than less.

§VII   The Practice

The practice

  • The interruptibility test, weekly. Who wanted something from you this week and what happened. It is the only observable measure in the ring.
  • Set the practice down once, on purpose. Skip the session for a person. Not often. Once, deliberately, to find out whether you can.
  • Check the direction of the ring's effect. Eleven stations of interior work either make you more available or less. Ask someone who would tell you.
  • Carry the basket. Moses' rule. Before any assessment of another person, an accounting of your own, and if that feels like an unnecessary formality, that is the finding.
  • Name one person the work is for. Not the sport, not the result. This is the question the whole ring resolves to and most athletes have never been asked it.

§VIII   The Deeper Block

Two weeks

Days 1–2
Count the interruptions. How many times did someone want something at an inconvenient moment, and what did you do. No judgment yet, just the count.
Days 3–5
Take one. One interruption, accepted fully, at real cost to the schedule. Notice the resistance and where it comes from.
Days 6–8
Ask the honest person. Someone who will tell you: have I become harder to reach this year.
Days 9–11
Set the practice down once. Skip something you do not skip, for a person. See whether the world holds.
Days 12–14
Answer the question. Who is this for. Write the name down. If there is no name, that is the most useful thing the fortnight produced.

§IX   For the Coach

For the coach

Do not use the word. Use the test. The clearest instruction in the ring. Whether the group can be interrupted, whether dissent survives, whether cost runs uphill as well as down. All observable, none of it requiring anyone to say love.

Make sure the cost runs both ways. If every sacrifice in a program is made by the athletes, the program does not have what this station describes, regardless of the language on the wall.

Protect the dissenter. The cohesion evidence says that the closer the group, the harder it is to raise a problem. A group that never has a problem raised is not healthy, it is quiet.

Know what the eleven stations can do to someone. Interior work done alone can produce a more contained person. If an athlete works this ring and becomes harder to reach, the ring has failed and it is the coach who will see it first.

How to raise it

“Who is this for. Not what. Who.”

Ask who the work is for, once a season, of everyone. It takes ten minutes per athlete and it surfaces more than any questionnaire in this library. The athletes with no answer are the ones to watch, and they are frequently the most compliant people in the group.

§X   The Turn

What this station leaves you with

Men and women went out into the desert alone, and stayed for decades, and built a practice of stillness and watchfulness and endurance. And when they were asked how you could tell whether any of it had worked, they said watch how he is when someone knocks at the door.

He had kept the fast for years and would keep it tomorrow. The brothers came once.

SOURCE · Evagrius, agape as the end of the practical life
SOURCE · Sayings of the Desert Fathers, the broken fast; Moses and the basket
STUDY · Coan et al., hand-holding and neural threat response
STUDY · Holt-Lunstad, social connection and mortality
STUDY · Carron on cohesion; Baumeister & Leary on belongingness
RING · The Desert Fathers, station 12 of 12